Just an Outburst.

I feel so embarrassed of myself yesterday. I had an amazing day yesterday, but it felt as if my ability to appreciate was stripped off. My negative emotions clouded the amazing formal I had with my friends. My negative emotions clouded the efforts that my friends put to connect with me.

I started to get emotional over something very small: not having the right attire to wear to the formal. It shouldn't have been a big issue, but my usual emotional tantrum started to take place. I was in tears the whole day, draining energy from my body and soul. I was even unable to appreciate the one friend that is always there to console me. Now, to think back about it, I feel extremely embarrassed over what I've done.

Sometimes, I wonder why I behave like this. I try to avoid myself from behaving like this, but it just happens sometimes, you see. I was thinking of putting the blame on either PMS or bipolar disorder. Actually, bipolar disorder seems legit to me since I usually feel the extremeness of both happy and sad feelings for no reason or for very irrelevant reasons. However, I realise that if I do that, I'm just escaping from my own weaknesses.

I would love to correct what I've done, but too bad time is irreversible. I would love to correct myself in the future, but I am sort of unable to predict when I'm getting the elevated distress. I guess all I can do is try to slap myself to reality whenever the feeling hits me. Just kidding. :P All I can do is to try to avoid having the feeling as much as possible,as I still haven't figured out how to control the feelings once I have it, and I end up hurting everyone around me. :(

P.S I'm so sorry to those whom I ended up hurting till now.

First World Problem: Me No Mood to Eat...

Recently, I've lost my motivation to eat. I do feel hungry, probably hungrier than ever. But, I have no clue why I don't feel like cook for myself and eat. When I think about it, it feels like I've lost the inspiration to cook, especially after a few fail attempts. Now, every time I think about cooking, I can only think about how bad it is going to taste.

One might ask, "Why not buy and eat then?" I can easily do that, except that I don't really have the motivation to go by myself to a restaurant and eat. Not only that, I'm kind of bored of the food served in the restaurant. None of the food can excite my tastebuds anymore.

This is a first world problem. I know I'm slowly losing energy. I know without proper meal, I'm looking more tired than ever. I just couldn't help it. I don't know how to break out of the circle. Probably the only form of motivation I had for cooking is slowly decreasing. How I wish human race don't have to depend on food to survive.. If only..