Just an Outburst.

I feel so embarrassed of myself yesterday. I had an amazing day yesterday, but it felt as if my ability to appreciate was stripped off. My negative emotions clouded the amazing formal I had with my friends. My negative emotions clouded the efforts that my friends put to connect with me.

I started to get emotional over something very small: not having the right attire to wear to the formal. It shouldn't have been a big issue, but my usual emotional tantrum started to take place. I was in tears the whole day, draining energy from my body and soul. I was even unable to appreciate the one friend that is always there to console me. Now, to think back about it, I feel extremely embarrassed over what I've done.

Sometimes, I wonder why I behave like this. I try to avoid myself from behaving like this, but it just happens sometimes, you see. I was thinking of putting the blame on either PMS or bipolar disorder. Actually, bipolar disorder seems legit to me since I usually feel the extremeness of both happy and sad feelings for no reason or for very irrelevant reasons. However, I realise that if I do that, I'm just escaping from my own weaknesses.

I would love to correct what I've done, but too bad time is irreversible. I would love to correct myself in the future, but I am sort of unable to predict when I'm getting the elevated distress. I guess all I can do is try to slap myself to reality whenever the feeling hits me. Just kidding. :P All I can do is to try to avoid having the feeling as much as possible,as I still haven't figured out how to control the feelings once I have it, and I end up hurting everyone around me. :(

P.S I'm so sorry to those whom I ended up hurting till now.

Noodles and tea.

I have been trying to get my tea and noodles right for more than a week now. After some experimenting, I realised that it's not my method that's going wrong, but it's the tea and the noodles I don't favour. The tea is just blant and tastes almost like water no matter which proportion of water, milk and sugar I add. Meanwhile, the noodles has this strong smell of egg which I hate (should've realised that when my friends said that it smelled good when it didn't for me last week =.= ). I'll at least try to finish up the tea, but for the noodles: "Sayonara! You are going into the rubbish bin".

The Tale of My Boring Self

A few things my mom told me unconsciously made me realise how much I've been missing out lately. 

She told me that she was checking Facebook to see if I have uploaded any photos by any chance. I realised that I take less pictures this year compared to last year. That might be probably because it's my second year in Canada, and I'm not so excited as I used to be anymore. Also, there hasn't been many photo-taking opportunity for me lately. I barely go out for a random walk nowadays, and this year I have less opportunity to hang out with people. So, I guess naturally I won't have many (if not any) photos to be uploaded. 

Secondly, she was talking about Deepavali preparation for this year, when I asked her when is Deepavali. She was kind of shocked and asked me, "Deepa! It's your day! How could you not know?". Oh well, I guess ever since I came to Canada, I stopped getting excited about those annual festivals, including Deepavali. After all, what are festivals without family?

Then, she asked me whether there's any Tamil movie showing in cinemas here, in Toronto. I told her that she's asking the wrong person. I never kept myself updated with any entertainment news. I think the last time I watched a Tamil movie in theatre was more than a year ago. Not only Kollywood, but I dont even know what's going on in Hollywood. I even stopped watching television shows for a long time now.

Oh well. I guess I'm appearing more and more boring to myself as I age. Hopefully I won't have a hard(er) time to fit in with my Malaysian friends and family the next time I go back to Malaysia.

Cincai Cooking

I cooked for the first time today! Okay, not exactly first time, but this is the first official time I'm cooking without any guidance. Or probably the second time, if the 'seaweed fried rice' I made during the winter break is counted.

First attempts are never perfect. Same goes to my cooking. First of all, I didn't know how much rice I should put in the rice cooker, so I simply put one and a half cup. Little did I realised at that time that that is actually the amount of rice my mom cooks for a meal for my whole family! Oh well. At least I poured in the right amount of water.

Then, I started to realise that the vegetable I put in the frying pan were cooked faster than I thought. Dang, I totally forgot to control the burner level! I quickly corrected the mistake, although I was almost done cooking by then.

Scribbles

I couldn't sleep because the room was (too) hot, switched on the light overnight for the fear of bugs n other beings, woke up wayyy early to realise that I couldn't fall asleep anymore, and now I couldn't find my toothbrush and toothpaste.

Happy first day to SKULE to myself.

The Blue Moon.

31st August 2012 is not only special because of the national day celebration of my beloved country, Malaysia. This year, it's even more special due to the appearance of the 'Blue Moon'.

When I first heard about it a few weeks ago, I actually thought that the moon will appear blue on that night because of some extraordinary space event. My excitement was short-lived; it was crashed by the Google within a few hours.

The 'blue moon' is actually a phenomenon in which the full moon appears for the second time within a month's duration. This is because the moon usually completes an orbit around the Earth in 29.5 days, but a month is usually 30 or 31 days except for the month of February. So, full moon appears twice a month every two and a half years on average according to NASA.

A picture of the moon taken using blue filter
Source:  http://www.nasa.gov/vision/universe/watchtheskies/07jul_bluemoon.html 

Me and my stuck car.

I had my car stuck when I was trying to park the car today. I thought I was totally screwed when the car wouldn't move an inch.

It all started when I couldn't find a shady place to park my car near my auntie's house. So I decided to park on the pavement of my auntie's neighbour's house, which was shady because of the bamboo trees. I had parked my car there before, so I was confident that I could do it again smoothly. As I drove towards the pavement, a motorcycle that was parked by the side of the pavement caught my eyes, but I didn't give in to the internal alarm that rang in my brain. I just accelerated my way up to the pavement. As my sister, who was sitting next to me, started to tell me that I shouldn't be parking there, I heard a screeching sound. The first thought that came to my mind was, "Sh*t, I'm in deeeeeeeeep trouble".

Summer 2012

Summer break's gonna end soon. That was fast. Long, but fast. In these four months, I think I've spent most of the time looking at my laptop screen (as usual). My brain's a bit too rusty, but I'm ready to reverse the redox reaction during the second year (I think). I heard it's gonna be a killer year. I barely survived the first year (due to my own mistakes), but I'm gonna try really hard to do my best this year.

The summer break was not too bad. I..

1. learned how to swim (barely)
2. burned my skin numerous times (it's still healing)
3. tried various Malaysian food for the first time (notably nasi kandar and char koey teow)

Lifeless.

How I hate to stare at the laptop screen, waiting for some miracle to pop out? I shut down the laptop after hours of web-browsing, just to turn it on again after slightly more than 30 minutes. Conclusion: The life filled with sleeping, eating, watching tv (although I lost my interest in it), jogging once in a while, cycling, and driving is NO FUN! Never hated holidays this much.

P.S. I'm so tempted to just scream most of the time.

An update.

I almost drowned again today. I couldn't help but to think why am I risking my life in a swimming pool instead of cycling around my neighbourhood. After a long time, I could feel my whole body trembling at that time. I shall save my swimming skills for emergency purposes only - if I could manage to float that is. Or maybe I'll swim if someone would build a swimming pool suitable for my height.

Blessings.

Yesterday, I was blessed by an old lady that I met when I went for a jog. She hugged me, kissed my cheeks, and asked me not to give up and to be the 'bharathi kanda puthumaipen' which means ideal new age women. Although it was weird to be suddenly kissed by a stranger, it reminded me of the hopes old people have on today's young generation. Thank you, Lady. I will try my best to succeed in life.

A new look.

Yay! A new look for my blog!

The background picture is taken in Cameron Highlands. I chose a new colour (purple) for the background. Changed the font too.

So, what do you think? :D

Ever since I landed in...

Penang.

I'm back home after eight months in Toronto. The journey back home was long and tiring, but I'm glad it was. I have been living in the land of boredom ever since I came back to Penang, and the journey back home was one of the very few memorable things that has happened to me in the month of May so far.

Home hasn't changed that much. I feel as if I just left Penang yesterday. Well, I gotta admit I've forgotten the routes for some places (knowing me =P ), but comparatively Penang is still the Penang that I knew. Home-cooked meals, onlining, driving, lifeless-ing... yep, pretty much still the same.

I had the eagerness to revise some university materials back at home before flying here. However, it diminished for some reason after I stepped into my

Inspiration.

Lesson learned:

There are so many inspiration around you. You just have to stop blinding yourself.

My friends trying to lift up my spirits.
P.S. It worked.

Yellow Flowers.

While I was walking back from the library, this spot caught my eyes. At that instant, I was grateful that you are here to colour my dull life. Hopefully the wind has carried my whispers to you. 

*Thank you.*

Sincerely, Deepa.

An update.

What a long break it has been? Updating the blog frequently (uncheck). Dang!

Ah, well. Third month of 2012 is almost over. The world's "apocalypse" is sneaking up to us silently. Meanwhile, I'm facing apocalypse everyday. By apocalypse, I meant the university life. It's a struggle to keep my head straight while studying something for which I have no clue why I'm studying. But, life goes on.

At least the weather in Toronto is starting to warm up a little bit. I literally jumped in joy today morning because I still couldn't believe that I don't need that suffocating winter coat any longer! Yippie! The warmth of the sunshine on my skin just feels awesome.

2011.2012

It's been another year. The world has revolved too quick. And so here we are, looking forward for another year.

It's the first time I'm away from my home and family for the new year. Being 13 hours away from the loved ones does make a difference. They step into 2012 earlier than me. Weird? Yes. Unfair? Nope. During this four months in Toronto, I realised that time is relative. Time becomes even more abstract when there are Facebook, Skype, telephones and other technologies.

Looking back, I see a long journey behind me. So many people, so many spices along the way. "A man's errors are his portal of discovery". Probably there are too many errors in the past that I couldn't fix. But, as time passes by, I realise that there's no point in mourning over the mistakes I have done. It's time to move on. Such is life.

2011 holds too many memories. My journey of education continued into tertiary studies. Relationship with people took a whole new turn. Emotions fluctuated before finding a harmonic stability. Friendships and family relations made more sense. Various types of food were explored. Places were visited. Interests were found. Basically, it has been a year of self exploration and discovery.

Can't.Stop.Munching.

Should I reminiscent 2011? Or should I dream on 2012? Either way, I know I can't stop munching right now. So I'm gonna do that instead. =P

Gotta stop munching. Soon. In an hour. Or two. Or never. Bye.

Refresh.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve given a rest for the 30 day picture challenge for a while now. I had been, and still am busy settling down in Toronto, Canada. Plus, I haven’t move into my residence yet, so the internet connection’s quite unstable. The inability to go online frequently has forced me to explore Downtown Toronto with friends as much as possible. The first day in Toronto was the most unexpected day so far: I walked for eight hours continuously in the city! Eaton Centre, China Town, CN Tower, and so much more! I took many photos along the way, but I haven’t been taking photos ever since. I got lazed down. Anyway, I’ve had fun strolling around the streets of Toronto. What I’ve learned from walking around here is that we can hardly get lost here. Hats off to TTC for amazing traffic system which favours pedestrians. Now, I should really tune down up for the F!rosh week! I have looked up what that means in a dictionary, and it is clearly stated FUN! So, I’m all hyped up for it. Not to forget, I’m also looking forward to finally being able to move into my residence, the mysterious Loretto College! Seriously, I couldn’t find a thing abut that place in the internet. But, so far I find the Dean, Assistant Dean and the Security Guard to be really nice people. It’s really hard to summarize everything in just one blog post, but I’m so lazy to write another one. Ah, well. I’ll write more when I’m in the mood. Haha. Btw, not like there’s no tonnes of pictures of Toronto in the web, but I’d love to add some photos to the collection. That’ would be soon enough, when the internet’s stable. Then, I’d continue the photo challenge. Till then, bubye! Muaxx

p.s I miss my mom’s cooking so much!

First half.

A buzzing sound in my head. Ticking clock on the wall points its arms towards twelve. I looked away from the clock and realised that I am still laying down on the floor, eyes glued back to the colourful screen of Dell Inspiron. My fingers found their place on the keyboard and typed out the strings of letters floating away from my  mind. I was just reading through my blog just now, and I realised that I have a way long journey ahead of me to self-maturation. I have come this far in my life, and yet I am more childish than my younger sister. How shameful is that? I am so lazy to move my butt off the floor, but I guess I have to move it someday and keep moving forward. The first half of the year is way past than over, and it has been better than the best! I have explored the world of video editing as I always wanted to, enhanced my skills in shopping (now I can shop for A BILLION DOLLAR!), braced myself for food I would never have